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Dear Friend: This is the first of several informative reports that I publish regularly on this website. I hope you will enjoy the content of this information. Please feel free to print this report out, read it, and share it with those you care for. Thanks, Dr. Dorothy Marron |
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"Happy Holidays!" --- We say this to each other, but some people react inside with a sense of sadness, or even dread. For many, holidays bring back memories of happier times. Others can have feelings of loneliness from memories that are too painful to acknowledge. During the holiday seasons, these feelings are intensified.. . which creates a greater sense of loneliness and abandonment. Statistics prove this when they reveal that suicides and child abuse both increase in the month of December. WHY? We tend to expect a great deal more of ourselves during this time. In addition to our fulltime lives Moms are shopping for the perfect gifts for everyone, writing personal messages in each greeting card; baking, cooking, and doing everything "just like mother did". Dads want to provide a perfect holiday with all the trimmings, then deal with guilt feelings about too little money and too little time. Then, they try to work over-time to cover holiday overspending Kids want what is advertised on TV cartoons. They become overtired from all the excitement, and super-active from sugar-highs from holiday goodies.
EXTRA RESPONSIBILITY + UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS = STRESS Stress just seems to build on itself. Less rest, and more sleeplessness, confusion and difficulty in thinking clearly, needing to make decisions but feeling paralyzed with things to do---swamped with materialism and a false or exaggerated feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment creates an overall difficulty in feeling well and happy.
December is a time of SKY-HIGH EXPECTATIONS and EXTRA DEMANDS. STRESS is not simply the externals: shopping the crowded stores, wrapping gifts, baking sweets, sending Christmas cards, decorating the house, attending school plays, church programs and office parties-- (I even became tired as I wrote this list!!) Stress is internal---It happens because of how we define holiday tasks and obligations. It is important to make the stress work for you.... The only stress-free people are dead! We need to
manage holiday stress and revel in the energy that it can give. This is the challenge:
to manage the energy-giving stress while finding ways
to relax. The more relaxed
you can be the less distress is transferred to your family----especially
to your children. Put a sign on your bathroom mirror that says: Read the sign everyday. You don't have to be a super career woman, wonderful mother, loving wife, loyal friend, devoted daughter etc. FOR EVERYONE: Clean up your self-talk. We become our own worst enemies. Remind yourself that you are doing your best at this, the most hectic time of year. Be more patient, more forgiving. Say, "How unlike me to get this upset---I’m better than that!" Often we are kinder to strangers than to ourselves. Be gentle with yourself! Take time to size up the holiday season and then set REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Ask yourself: In what ways is it
different this year, positively or negatively, from holidays in the past? Feelings become more intense at Holiday time. LEARN HOW TO SAY "NO!" Accept only the invitations that you want to be involved in. A simple "I don't have the time" sometimes will suffice. Set priorities. Spend time with your
family. Schedule evenings at
home. Perhaps go and see the Christmas lights or listen to music, or
watch holiday specials on TV.
Quiet evenings can make happy memories Decide now to let more people
help you this year. It will benefit everybody!
Older children can wrap packages for younger ones.
Each family member can be responsible for preparing his/her
favorite food (and get to enjoy family praise) and cleaning up.
Here's an idea for big families: Assign three member teams for 10 minutes
each to clear the table, wash the dishes, put away the food etc. Keep some spare meals ready at
home. Pasta, a canned ham etc, frozen
entrees, etc. are great for emergency meals when you have nothing to
prepare. And having these quick-to-prepare foods helps remove stress during
unexpected gatherings. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS... Take three really deep breaths Walk up and down stairs three times or dance to a favorite song. Call a friend or family member who always makes you feel good about yourself Bake or cook something that smells good. Treat yourself to something special... a manicure, a massage, a movie, a new CD ... or just listen to music that makes you feel good! AND FOR YOUR CHILDREN: The true spirit of the season is in giving. Go shopping together and buy a toy for a needy child to capture the Holiday spirit. Emphasize how important it is to spend time with others-and be the example by spending quality time with your children. Downplay the commercialism and materialism by making gifts, and giving the gift of time to others. Reframe the idea of Santa Claus to the spirit of giving--- that is the spirit of the season. This is what Christmas is really about. Think back to your happiest Christmas... - the most memorable part of the holidays is not what we eat, or what we give and receive, but the interaction we have with family and friends. Enjoy the gift of today!
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Dr.
Dorothy J. Marron, Ph.D., |
